Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about Elton, I was wrong about Christian, now Josh hated me. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion: I was just totally clueless!
every time i watch clueless i’m shocked that cher horowitz wasn’t intentionally written as a closeted lesbian struggling with compulsory heterosexuality because that’s literally the only interpretation of that movie that makes any sense to me whatsoever
listen…. cher expresses explicit distaste for boys her age on more than one occasion. she compares them to dogs and wonders why her best friend dee even bothers with them.
she claims to be “highly selective” ….name one closeted lesbian who hasn’t used high standards as an excuse for why they don’t seek a boyfriend, i’ll wait.
not to mention that she’s “saving herself for luke perry” ….me when i would focus my attention on unattainable men because i didn’t like any boys in real life.
let’s not forget that cher is disgusted by her friend elton’s advances and the only boy she actively pursues before realizing she was “in love” with josh was her gay friend christian. subconsciously pursuing unattainable men much?
initially, cher’s ego is hurt by christian’s rejection, but she gets over it quickly because she only pursued christian for superficial reasons and not because of any actual feelings of attraction.
so why did cher end up with josh, you might ask? my theory: cher developed feelings for her (*cough* bisexual) friend tai over the course of the film, but failed to recognize them. when tai shows interest in dating josh, cher becomes jealous, and mistakenly assumes it’s because she’s in love with josh, but she’s actually in love with tai!
honestly, just watch this movie again and compare the way cher talks about tai to the way she talks about josh. cher showed literally NO romantic interest in josh before she realized she was “in love” with him, and only started acting like she had feelings for him after she came to that conclusion.
the first time i watched clueless, i remember little 12-year-old me literally saying “WHAT!?” out loud to my tv screen when cher said she was in love with her fucking stepbrother, of all people. i didn’t know i was a lesbian back then, but i knew a forced hetero romance that made no sense when i saw one!
so ladies, never forget what the endgame for this movie should have been.
ofdreamsanddragons 