*deep menacing accent* “How did you take down Captain America?” *matter of fact European accent replies* “We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he is an idiot”
So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.
So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day
A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”
miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit. im shooting everything. im laying down cover fire. im shooting the walls. im shooting my teammates. im shooting myself. my accuracy is 100% yall just dont know what im aiming at
I didn’t even read the rest because I’m still laughing at “miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit” like I’ve never read a more perfect phrase in my life
Look at what yall mother fuckers did. Now my dad is probably gonna ask me if im eating fucking detergent to be cool and im gonna have to say “no Dad im not that fucking stupid” fuck yall.
rey: so this is ur depression planet
luke: yeah
rey: how do you not starve to death
luke: i eat dirt
rey: cool
luke: cool
rey: have u ever had sand
luke: YES
Reality show where Canadians are send to Australia and vice versa.
No plot.
No missions.
Just Canadians and Australians trying to survive each other’s weather.
Our latest episode
People who are reblogging this without the pictures are missing out because I’m hilarious
The best thing about this post is that Australia and Canada are in opposite hemispheres so you can run both segments simultaneously and the Australian will be in the worst of Canada’s winter while the Canadian is in the worst of Australia’s summer
ofdreamsanddragons 