post–grad:

• no fake friends, just real friends (the only ones who’ll come out to your godforsaken lighthouse to hang)
• lots of stairs so u dont need a gym membership
• when u look out the window and sigh mournfully it’s Cinematic Depression not just regular depression
• minimum requirements: 1 large dog, 17 cable-knit sweaters, 1 mysterious but tragic past, 2 pair fingerless wool gloves
• increased likelihood of mermaid encounters
• effortless windswept look, complemented by soft lantern glow
• free salt scrub