Bucky: Wow it’s so great to be out of cryo I can’t wait to see how the world has changed and-
Steve, dressed in all black with a beard, lip piercing, and eyeliner: I go by Deathblade now. My favourite colour is pain. I wrote this poem about my feelings but I’m not gonna read it to you.
Sam: It’s been a long year welcome back
Steve: This is my new costume. It’s black like my soul because I hate everything and it has no star anymore because america can suck my ass
Sam: Do you accept constructive criticism
hey guys you know what i discovered today? ed sheeran has a song that contains the lyric “and i know you love shrek / cause we’ve watched it twelve times”. do you know how i discovered this? because it came blaring over the speakers of the church at which i was playing the organ for a wedding blessing today, during the signing of the certificates, and i had to sit there in full view of the congregation trying to be as utterly professional as possible while mentally emotionally and spiritually coming to terms with the fact that i had just heard shrek name dropped, in the middle of an otherwise unremarkable corny love song by ed sheeran, during a literal actual religious ceremony. in other news im an ed sheeran hate blog now
Years ago in my high school AP economics class I was assigned to sit in the corner of the room where I was flanked by a handful of very popular, very lazy kids. After every exam the teacher would announce (much to my chagrin) my “high score” to the class.
After a particularly challenging exam where I only scored 93%, the teacher announced that the guy to my right (let’s call him Matt) had ALSO scored 93%, his friend behind him 90%, and the friend behind HIM 90%! Needless to say I vacillated between self-doubt and suspicion for a few days before I finally “congratulated” one of the 90%‘ers on his score. With an impish grin he admitted that his friend Matt had been cheating off me for months and “thanked” me for helping “so many people do so well” in the class. The petty revenge gears started turning in my head for what seemed like ages before I replied “no problem, I’m just glad to help!”
At the next exam I put my my paper in very clear view of Matt. He had been told that I was now willing to “help” him and his friends. I circled all wrong answers while making a special mark for the correct ones. Just before the time was up, I quickly changed my answers back when nobody was looking, turned in my exam, and smugly walked back to my seat.
What I didn’t know at the time was that the cheating conspiracy didn’t just involve the kids sitting next to me, but that my answers were written down and forwarded to the next 4 periods, all of which took an identical test.
One week later a record 22 people failed the exam. Matt empathetically remarked “Oh man, did you fail too!?” I flipped over my sheet: 100%.
Seriously. 4 years ago, I’m cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds all the smokes and alcohol. It’s 10pm and these two young men (early 20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I don’t remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don’t know. It’s a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.
Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye, but they didn’t even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but they didn’t know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.
ofdreamsanddragons 