I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”
Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.
If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.
Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.
But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.
Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.
Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.
First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.
And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.
today the barista at Starbucks accidentally gave me a trienta instead of a venti (which was cool cause hey more coffee) and I pointed it out in case she wanted to switch it so she doesn’t get in trouble or something and she looked right at me in my eyes and said “I decide what you drink now”
Every version of dwarves has them being almost constantly armoured, and living in huge fortresses and underground tunnels, usually with some super-dramatic main gate that’s twenty feet high and about three feet thick.
What if there’s a reason for that? Like, they weren’t always a race of warriors and miners who almost never showed themselves above ground?
What if they’re the fantasy equivalent of those survivalists who turn their basement into a bomb shelter and fill the place with guns and canned food because they’re totally convinced The End Is Nigh?
What about a setting where the dwarves used to be perfectly happy above ground, growing flowers and getting a tan, until some huge disaster happened, and they all went Fuck This. So they dug down and hid away until the zombie horde or magical plague or the horde of rabid squirrels or whatever had passed, but they never forgot, and now their entire species is like “Constant Vigilance!”
There might even be some dwarf cities buried so deep they never heard the disaster ended. A whole city-fortress of paranoid, armed to the teeth dwarves, ready to kick the shit out of anything that isn’t a dwarf.
so earlier i remembered how during one philosophy class, my professor asked us all to consider what we would do if we could be invisible for a day, because (as she would reveal to us later) she wanted to prove a point about observed accountability and situational morality. we all wrote down our answers, submitted them anonymously, and the prof read them back to us. about 95% of them were like “prank people”, “rob a bank”, “get in places for free”, “scare my best friend”, “spy on someone”, “sneak into closed off areas”, etc.
prof. read them all aloud so she could demonstrate how virtually everybody chose something they couldn’t morally or socially get away with if they were witnessed, and she was looking awfully entertained about how quickly the class proved her point until she got to one that just said “go swimming in the ocean.”
she stopped, read it again, and after a short period of confused silence a girl piped up very earnestly from the class “because the sharks wouldn’t be able to see me.”
i’m having a great time reading how people would want to live a day invisibly because we got the Relatables™:
ofdreamsanddragons 